Learning by osmosis: Or, how toddlers learn the rules of slides

Learning by osmosis: Or, how toddlers learn the rules of slides

Learning by osmosisOn my journey in the shadow of my toddler, I supervised this repeated “slide loop” at least a half-dozen times. She’d dutifully stand at the top, wait her turn, go down the slide, then scamper up the wall to do it again. This is the kind of squishy stuff you can’t really learn without lived experiences: How playground rules work. As adults we have this all the time, too. When to put your phone away when out at a restaurant with a friend, what direction to face in an elevator so you don’t freak out the other passengers, how to order a bagel without getting an eye roll. It’s through context clues and observing others’ behaviors that we can pick up on things ourselves. And sometimes -- even without talking about the thing -- we learn how to do the thing. This is learning by osmosis. Just, being present in the world around you enough to pick up on the nuances and context clues of social norms and behaviors all around you in different settings. The nice thing about learning by osmosis is that every new setting is a brand new petri dish to learn something new. Fancy clubs teach you how to make introductions with proper salutations and last names at fancy clubs. Dog walkers teach you how to always ask if a dog is friendly before reaching out for a pet. Rug shops teach you how to ask to “be shown” the rug that’s six-layers deep into a rug pile. Art galleries teach you how to blatantly avoid eye contact in order to earn respect. At movie theatres you always know go back for the free refill right before the show starts, at Trader Joe’s the pro move is to get there on a weekend morning if you want to beat the line, and in board meetings, you better let whoever just asked that question get to the follow-up question they really want to know before you interrupt them or change course. These are of course things you can read in rulebooks, or maybe blog posts, of course. But that’s not nearly as much fun, or as impressionable as learning it yourself. For instance, maybe last week I read in a guidebook that “Tenants must book conference rooms in advance.” But I’ll tell you what -- that guidance didn’t really stick until I got kicked out of a room with my team yesterday after we skirted the rules. It’s no different from learning the rules of slides. There’s a lineup, everybody waits their turn, and you only go down when the coast is clear. This, by the way, was also why the older kids didn’t seem to be bothered by a baby trying to play alongside them. She may have been slower, and maybe a little in the way, but at least she was playing by the same rules.

Learning by osmosisOn my journey in the shadow of my toddler, I supervised this repeated “slide loop” at least a half-dozen times. She’d dutifully stand at the top, wait her turn, go down the slide, then scamper up the wall to do it again. This is the kind of squishy stuff you can’t really learn without lived experiences: How playground rules work. As adults we have this all the time, too. When to put your phone away when out at a restaurant with a friend, what direction to face in an elevator so you don’t freak out the other passengers, how to order a bagel without getting an eye roll. It’s through context clues and observing others’ behaviors that we can pick up on things ourselves. And sometimes -- even without talking about the thing -- we learn how to do the thing. This is learning by osmosis. Just, being present in the world around you enough to pick up on the nuances and context clues of social norms and behaviors all around you in different settings. The nice thing about learning by osmosis is that every new setting is a brand new petri dish to learn something new. Fancy clubs teach you how to make introductions with proper salutations and last names at fancy clubs. Dog walkers teach you how to always ask if a dog is friendly before reaching out for a pet. Rug shops teach you how to ask to “be shown” the rug that’s six-layers deep into a rug pile. Art galleries teach you how to blatantly avoid eye contact in order to earn respect. At movie theatres you always know go back for the free refill right before the show starts, at Trader Joe’s the pro move is to get there on a weekend morning if you want to beat the line, and in board meetings, you better let whoever just asked that question get to the follow-up question they really want to know before you interrupt them or change course. These are of course things you can read in rulebooks, or maybe blog posts, of course. But that’s not nearly as much fun, or as impressionable as learning it yourself. For instance, maybe last week I read in a guidebook that “Tenants must book conference rooms in advance.” But I’ll tell you what -- that guidance didn’t really stick until I got kicked out of a room with my team yesterday after we skirted the rules. It’s no different from learning the rules of slides. There’s a lineup, everybody waits their turn, and you only go down when the coast is clear. This, by the way, was also why the older kids didn’t seem to be bothered by a baby trying to play alongside them. She may have been slower, and maybe a little in the way, but at least she was playing by the same rules.